Which of these Stories Is from The Onion?

Here are three stories about the Congo. Try to figure out which one of them is fake:

The first is about the Congo's space program, and features an attempt to launch a rat into orbit.
The second discusses the Congolese government's effort to promote economic growth by arming young men with AK-47s.
The third is a touching evocation of the instinctive generosity of the Congolese people, and shows President Kabila giving a $2.5 million contribution to the Haiti relief effort, despite the agonizing poverty confronting his own citizens. The gesture is only somewhat undercut by the fact that the check is a fake: after all, it's the thought that counts.

Quote of the Day

Ambassador to the UN Susan Rice, at the Holocaust Museum on December 12, 2009, answering a question about her 2006 call for greater sanctions on Sudan:

I spoke in my own personal view as a scholar at the Brookings Institution in September of 2006 that, if the government of Sudan continued to refuse to allow the deployment of the United Nations force or the U.N.-A.U. force, UNAMID, that it ought to face immediate consequences, including the threat of the use of force.

I believed that at the time, and I think that was a bold, but worthy position. We’re in a different place now.

Well, Rice is certainly in a different place. She never gets around to explaining why the Sudan is.

Compare this to what she said when she was first named US ambassador to the UN: "I swore to myself that if I ever faced such a crisis again [such as the Rwandan genocide], I would come down on the side of dramatic action, going down in flames if that was required."

I guess those flames don't look so inviting, from the perspective of someone in power.